morning love .

what hurts the most is when you catch a beautiful sunrise early in the morning, when the rest of your house is quiet &nd the translucent curtains that hang above are slightly cracked, allowing in the morning glow. but the feel of waking up empty, no one by your side. no 'good morning beautiful' text to greet you, or the muffled sound of breathing through the line, that asks if you've awakened from your slumber . the fresh morning feeling of love, knowing that not only somewhere sometime someone loves you, but right then &nd now, that person loves you. to me the best feeling in the world is not only just knowing you're loved but, feeling it too. i truly miss waking up &nd instantly springing up, because the person on the other end was waking up with me, "Amani!! ... Amani!!. Wake up,, wakee uppp ... " yeah i tend to reminisce on what used to be . this very morning i awoke to the feeling of being alone. i could've awakened to feeling so loved. smitten . adored . 'exclusive' . instead i fell excluded, to the separate realm of happiness, where i've been longing to go for a good while now. my mind &nd fingertips usually in unison find themselves on polar opposites of the universe,, no midway sector i can find will allow what comes from my mind to be published, by spoken word, writing, not even doodling in pre-calculus anymore . its sad &nd to say the least hurts . knowing all the things in the world you could have, &nd there's only one mere person you want; need. although you shouldn't need a person to complete you, &nd before you meet that person, you should be wholesome--but once they're gone... that piece of you is as well . it seems when they left me,, or when i let go of them . . . that piece that's now m.i.a., has sprung forth an internal niagara fall, that leaves the warm side of my pillow cooled &nd dampened. blurred vision awaiting the sunrise for a brand new day, hoping it would bring me a step forward in letting go, simply because the person no longer wants me. but when i made that promise i would never get over him, to myself, &nd him . . . i never realized how deeply he'd become embedded in my soul. my aura feels tainted because i'm lacking him. he's myyy hatian sensation lol, &nd goneee . on his way to becoming someone's novio. i'm just the girl that's at his locker 85% make that only 15% of the time now. i feel so torn, between between putting up that middle finger to you &nd yours, and the real,, baby i love you-take me back. i miss you, i miss you!!. i've become so engulfed in the fact he was supposed to be the first absolute true love, no if's and's or but's about it, it was dxmn sure love && my future husband,, if i get pregnant in high school,, its okay because you & i will make it...i cant bear to entertain the various people growing interest in me. i want none of them,, even if i remotely like them or not. i'm not the least bit over my locksmith. the man with the master key to my heart. one day maybe, we'll hop off a bus together,, &nd my mascara will be smeared &nd eyes puffy, &nd i'll run into his arms like old times, &nd he'll comfort me, till i stop crying &nd well after.... he'll come with his wyld styling family with smoking guns, &nd protect me for myself. well after my piercings are no longer socially acceptable &nd my friendliness to the opposite sex has subsidized he'll be back for his unique one. love, love, love, why do we love it so; when its the first thing that wants to go?? well because i'm quite familiar with love, my blogs tend to lean in that direction . so pardon my x's &nd o's .

free faatimz !!.

._x|| a m a n i .